Jesus, it’s almost a week into the new year! Where has the time gone? Since I posted last, I’ve visited family in Taiwan and went back to Toronto for Christmas holidays, which has put the past year into good perspective.
2015 was hard; damn hard. It started with me being helpless in love and ready to move to Ireland, but things took a turn for the bad and I struggled secretly with depression and the simultaneous pressure of graduating exams. Even after leaving the country, landing a job overseas, and making new friends, I’m only just beginning to build myself back up again.
Now, by chance I stumbled across this article on a Facebook feed. The author points out that subconsciously, all our decisions are influenced by the possibility of one day finding love. She asks you to imagine peering into a crystal ball and discovering that you were never going to meet the love of your life. How would you live differently? What choices would you make differently?
I started to think about why I felt I couldn’t settle down in Dublin. And really, it was because I was worried about finding love. People here settle late, but where I come from, the mindset is that no one will want you after you turn 30. I kept thinking that I needed to go back to Canada now, rather than a few years later when it’ll be “too late”. I was so perturbed by that notion that I couldn’t see how content I really am here. Going back to Toronto made me realise that.
Sure, sometimes it gets lonely; and as you get older (especially for introverts) it can be harder to make friends. But I have a good job and promising career options, places to go and time to go (who has time for holidays by North American working standards??). In terms of love… well, it’ll come when it’s ready. And if not (because nowadays, that’s a real possibility), I have to know how to be happy alone.
Ireland may not be perfect, as I explained in my last post, but no place is. I tricked myself into believing there would be, but for most of us that piece of “home” exists only in an Anne of Green Gables novel. I’d love to feel some sense of permanency here, but you can’t have everything. I have to learn to be happy with the cards I was dealt. So, until elsewhere calls, I finally have a place to call home.