Love Without Love

Jesus, it’s almost a week into the new year! Where has the time gone? Since I posted last, I’ve visited family in Taiwan and went back to Toronto for Christmas holidays, which has put the past year into good perspective.

2015 was hard; damn hard. It started with me being helpless in love and ready to move to Ireland, but things took a turn for the bad and I struggled secretly with depression and the simultaneous pressure of graduating exams. Even after leaving the country, landing a job overseas, and making new friends, I’m only just beginning to build myself back up again.

Now, by chance I stumbled across this article on a Facebook feed. The author points out that subconsciously, all our decisions are influenced by the possibility of one day finding love. She asks you to imagine peering into a crystal ball and discovering that you were never going to meet the love of your life. How would you live differently? What choices would you make differently?

I started to think about why I felt I couldn’t settle down in Dublin. And really, it was because I was worried about finding love. People here settle late, but where I come from, the mindset is that no one will want you after you turn 30. I kept thinking that I needed to go back to Canada now, rather than a few years later when it’ll be “too late”. I was so perturbed by that notion that I couldn’t see how content I really am here. Going back to Toronto made me realise that.

Sure, sometimes it gets lonely; and as you get older (especially for introverts) it can be harder to make friends. But I have a good job and promising career options, places to go and time to go (who has time for holidays by North American working standards??). In terms of love… well, it’ll come when it’s ready. And if not (because nowadays, that’s a real possibility), I have to know how to be happy alone.

Ireland may not be perfect, as I explained in my last post, but no place is. I tricked myself into believing there would be, but for most of us that piece of “home” exists only in an Anne of Green Gables novel. I’d love to feel some sense of permanency here, but you can’t have everything. I have to learn to be happy with the cards I was dealt. So, until elsewhere calls, I finally have a place to call home.

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4 thoughts on “Love Without Love

  1. Good woman. Live for yourself and love will come. And if not, no one can love you more than yourself.

  2. What struck me as exceedingly odd was a perception that in Canada you should be ‘settled’ before 30? Huh!? Certainly not in my friend’s circles… far from it! Heck 20s was for getting out, doing things, having adventures and perish the thought of settling down!! Obviously if you met someone you clicked with, why not? But even in the 30s coupling was ‘if it happens’.

    I was one of the shockingly ‘early’ ones to get married at 26… and that too only because my then boyfriend had a different passport and we realised the only way we had a chance was to go the pesky paperwork route. In retrospect, it would have been preferable if we had simply ‘shacked up’ for some time then moved on, but that simply wasn’t possible in India. We long ago split and I gotta say being footloose fancy free in my early 40s was fabulous!!

    So embrace your time in Ireland or wherever else you find yourself! When you least expect it, the most amazing partner will just be there. Or so the fairytale goes. 🙂

    1. Interesting! But comforting to hear that there are different standards in Canada! I originally came from a small town, and many of my friends there definitely worry about settling down early if they haven’t already. As a generalisation though, I do think people in Canada tend to settle down earlier. This comes from observing the fact that Canadian couples with children are visibly younger than parents in Ireland.

      Thanks for sharing your story! Here’s to each individual fairytale (whether or not that involves a Prince Charming)! 🙂

      1. Ahh… Small town does have a different dynamic! The small town my mother’s family lived in the 80s/90s tended to have the ‘choice’ of getting ‘knocked up’ or ‘get out!’ by late teens / early 20s. So you have a point. 🙂

        I think there is a shift too depending on when you grew up… When I last looked at my sister’s kids play school the parents were either in their early 20s or 40/50s like us… For whatever reason most of the folks I knew born in the late 60s/early 70s just didn’t go for that early settling down thing… and quite a few friends had their 1st kid in their 40s! Or some, like myself, made the deliberate choice to not have children. 🙂

        Here’s to non-traditional fairytales – whatever they may be! 🙂

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